Things Not To Say During Sex

Just some jokes. Assume that no little kids visit my web site.

- Damn! and I though sex with my wife was bad
- Whats that? *pointing to pelvic area*
- What’s your name again?
- A second time? I barely stayed awake the first time!
- You’re about as good as a 9 year old, and I should know!
- Can we order a pizza?
- I think my dad is listening at the door.
- Smile for the camera, honey!
- Do I have to call you tomorrow?
- Do I have to be here in the morning?
- Do I have to pay for this?
- (Phone rings) Hello? Oh nothing and you?
- But everybody looks funny naked!
- You woke me up for that?
- Do you smell something burning?
- Try breathing through your nose.
- A little rug burn ever hurt anyone!
- Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?
- Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?
- But whipped cream makes me break out.
- Hurry up! This room rents by the Hour!
- Can you please pass me the remote control?
- Zzzzzzzzzzzzz
- On second thought, let’s turn off the lights.
- You look better in the dark.
- And to think – I was really trying to pick up your friend!
- So much for mouth-to-mouth.
- Try not to leave any stains, okay?
- Hope you’re as good looking when I’m sober…
- (Holding a banana) It’s just a little trick I learned at the zoo!
- Do you get any premium movie channels?
- Got any penicillin?
- I thought you had the keys to the handcuffs!
- I want a baby!
- So much for the fulfilment of sexual fantasies!
- Did you know the ceiling needs painting?
- I think you have it on backwards.
- When is this supposed to feel good?
- Put that blender back in the kitchen where it belongs!
- You’re good enough to do this for a living!
- Is that blood on the headboard?
- Are you sure I don’t know you from somewhere?
- I wish we got the Playboy channel…
- That leak better be from the waterbed!
- I told you it wouldn’t work without batteries!
- But my cat always sleeps on that pillow…
- Did I tell you my Aunt Martha died in this bed?
- No, really… I do this part better myself!
- It’s nice being in bed with a woman I don’t have to inflate!
- This would be more fun with a few more people…
- You’re almost as good as my ex!
- Do you know the definition of statutory rape?
- Is that you I smell or is it your mattress stuffed with rotten potatoes?
- You look younger than you feel.
- I was led to believe women like anal sex

If any of you have anything you’d like to add, please contribute by commenting below. Thanks!